yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
