The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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