Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
