my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
