U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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