He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
