I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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