i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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