drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize