I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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