Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
