Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
