I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
