I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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