So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She even gives head with a lisp.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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