This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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