Will you blow on my dice?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
