why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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