My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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