Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
