I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
