Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
