did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well I just put wine in my tea
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
