Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
