I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
