Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
