That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
