Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
