been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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