it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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