So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
