I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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