My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
