Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
