i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
