Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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