im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
