I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
