her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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