Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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