Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
