I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
