He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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