did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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