Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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