The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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