everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
