I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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