remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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