every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
