Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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