Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
