she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
