peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
