i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
