Small penises have feelings too.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
a search helicopter?!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
