I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
