Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
