A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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