I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
