She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
