I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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