I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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