Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
